Letting Go: Difficult But Worth It


“How is it that a person can be so happy after letting go of someone? Especially of someone that has hurt me.”

If you’ve ever thought about this, then we were in the same boat, just like many others. We met someone, contacted, met up again several times, and then something happens, and you both were strangers again.

That kind of scenario is nothing short of typical. But the heartbreak that resulted in the aftermath, is nothing short of bearable. Damn. I feel you. But don’t worry, I got you.

As I’m writing to you, know that for my case, I’ve fully recovered from the said heartbreaks and I’ve become more positive & open-minded in the light of my recovery process. I now know better what (kind of partner & relationship) I want and what I don’t want. And that’s what I want to share with you who are still aching, with hopes that you may one day be a lifted and happy soul that you’re supposed to be.

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Usually when we’re experiencing a breakup/split, our natural instinct will almost always direct our minds into finding someone new as replacement. We think that by doing this, we will be loved again, we will be fixed, and we will forget and move on from the one that got away.

But news flash: That is not going to work.

Maybe you’ve seen someone else doing that and succeeding – they seem happy. But deep inside, whether or not they’ve fully healed or are fully happy, is another story that is hidden. This method will never fully heal you, because the lost love that we’re trying to find isn’t found in others, but from ourselves.

If you feel like you need someone so badly just to be happy again, or just to feel loved, or feel whole, then you need to realize that you’re not whole because you lack of self-love. It is the single most important and best love you can have, and you only need YOU to complete yourself, not someone else.

A partner is only that. A partner. He/She is only an ADDITIONAL individual that will give you ADDITIONAL love and companion. Keyword: ADDITIONAL. Which means, your self-love should be 100%, and your partner will give you the EXTRA 100%. It doesn’t work in a 50%-50% way, but rather, in a 100%-100% way.

Upon saying that, know that love isn’t supposed to hurt. Love only heals. So when you are still in pain, feed yourself with as much love as possible. It takes time – but that shouldn’t be a hindrance. I personally took a year to get over someone whom I felt deeply for. Others may take way longer, but trust time. It may leave you with scars, but you will be a much much better person who will find a much much better partner in the long run.

You are investing in yourself when you feed yourself with love. There is a quote that I created and was stuck with during my recovery process:

“Quality attracts quality. A good man is for a good woman. (Vice versa). Improve yourself so much that you will start seeing more good people come your way.”

Give yourself space, time, and immerse yourself with meeting friends, or new hobbies, and especially read up on self-help books. You need to also ACCEPT that the past is in the past, that you admit to any mistake(s) you’ve done, and research/read on how to understand humans better (psychology-related stuff.) Trust me, reading up really helps a lot. Read positive things and act positively constantly.

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I hope that the shattered hearts out there find peace and seek for the right ways to fully heal themselves before looking to be with someone new. May all the love be with you.

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Thanks for reading! 🙂

 

Nadira Shirlonna

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. I agree! I like the way you emphasized about loving ourselves 100%. If we feel there is something lacking in us, it’s not always a partner or a better partner. it’s probably our love for ourselves. And it is not good to find somebody who will “complete” us because the one we’ll find might just as broken as we are.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Shirlonna says:

      Yes exactly! It’s better to regard our partner as our “other whole” rather than our “other half” 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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