Matter in Question – Marriage (Part 1)


β€œThey say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.”
– Tom Bodett

The wedding bells, the songs being played in the background, the smile on the guests’ faces, the determined yet loving look from your spouse-to-be.

Marriage.

There’s no doubt that marriage is a beautiful life event, a joining of two souls and a lifetime journey of love. But when it comes to the ones who are not yet experiencing it, how beautiful is it?

Sure, it is nice to see others getting married, especially if they are people whom you know or are close to. But when the golden question pops up towards you, it might not be as pleasant – even more so if the question keeps being repeated, or with a slight hint of demand to go with.

“When are you going to get married?” “When will be your turn?” Oh I’m sure you have a string of admirers ready to ask for your hand in marriage.” “Do you need me to recommend you someone?” “Oh wait in fact I do have someone in mind for you…” And on and on and on oh my god.

The best part is when they can even PREDICT for you when you will get married. “In 2-3 years’ time, I’ll be seeing you as a bride, no?”

……………………………….. NO.

The major champion comment I ever received was, “You don’t have to study that much – you’re gonna be in the kitchen one day anyway!” Wow. Let’s give that a round of applause, now shall we? *Sarcasm intended* Grrrr.

Don’t get me wrong, though. I don’t hate the idea of marriage, nor do I have any qualms about getting questions if I’m single or when I plan on having/finding a partner. I’m only annoyed when people start to insist that I get married – and soon – and to someone of their choice. Like…. is this my life or yours? Sheesh.

And these questions mainly come from older women – aunts, mum’s friends, distant relatives, and the likes of it. Again, I’m okay with them asking me casually. Just not when they start demanding me about it. There’s a fine line between those two. (Maybe it’s just me – maybe others have a high tolerance with these questions. I don’t know.) I don’t quite get why they’re so worried – does it have to do with my age? Like, “What if this girl gets old and she is still unmarried? Poor thing.”

I’m only 21 as of now. Turning 22. I know there are friends of mine who are married and already mothers, even. I congratulate their happy life events as much as I’d want my happy life events to be acknowledged in positive light by others in the future. I don’t cringe or think it’s absurd to make a life decision like that. No. Different people go through different phases in life, they are ready for different things, and have different ambitions – or duration of ambitions. Etcetera, etcetera.

For my case, I don’t see myself getting married anytime soon. Not in 2 years, not in 3. And I do have my own reasons for that. I have given thought about this – I mean I’m sure we all do at least once in our life. Whether you were dead sure in your own decision about marriage – well that’s a different story. For me, I’m pretty sure my decision is solid and something I’d stick to. The only thing that can change my decision is if:

  1. I met someone that can convince me otherwise.
  2. I somehow matured and realized that I want to change my decision for the better.
  3. My parents want grandchildren – and I want to fulfill that wish strongly.

I don’t know what else can change my mind but yeah. For now those 3 options are available.

As I’ve mentioned earlier, I do have my own reasons as to why I don’t see myself getting married anytime soon. I’ll write about those in another post – Part 2 of this topic!

For the readers who go through the same thing as I am – how do you cope with the repeated questions? What kind of answer(s) do you give them? Well, whatever it is, let’s embrace our beautiful singlehood while we still can. And save marriage for when it’s time.

You know, the good thing about having a blog/diary is that when you write posts like these, about your decisions, and when one day it happens, you get to look back at your posts and maybe smile at how right you were or laugh in tears at how wrong you were. Only time will tell. Let me know what’s your take on this topic in the comments section!

Till my next post, πŸ™‚

Nadira Shirlonna

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